"foolish games" by Jewel...click on the link (name and title of fav songs) to hear/see music videos
songs are very healing for me. since meeting dr. h and divorcing dr b(dentist) i used music for my healing process and to uplift and sort my feelings. the next posts are links to my fav songs, the words are very poignant etc. some of you remember my fav for spence jewel "foolish games" very appropriate for our marriage and my feelings of hurt, love and anger all rolled into one for my "favorite mistake" the dentist. (btw, that's another fav song, who sings that again? please leave the artist, thank you!:))
foolish games by jewel
You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You're always crazy like that
And I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You're always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comments on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You're always brilliant in morning
[Foolish Games lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved
Do you loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
Well excuse me, cause I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me,
You're tearing me, you're tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
You're always crazy like that
And I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You're always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comments on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You're always brilliant in morning
[Foolish Games lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved
Do you loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
Well excuse me, cause I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me,
You're tearing me, you're tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
posted by kittywaymo @ 12:33 AM
3 Comments:
I used to love to listen to music but after I got married something happened and it became too painful for me to listen and keep up with my favorities and somehow my husband's music desires also became more important. Not important to me but important in a sense I tried to keep him happy. Just before my husband came out I began listening (actively) but not everyday, still painful but it was starting to give me power/strength and I began graving for music ( my own not my husband's). I bought my first CD a month before my husband came out and listenend to it maybe once a week. It propably was about a decade ago when I had bought one I was interested in. I'm not saying I live in musicless silence. I do hear music on the background such as my daughter's children's music, in the car but not actively getting into it- I avoid hearing the lyrics and kind of stay in the beat only. Some reason it became too painful during the years of marriage.I have been looking back to see where/when I lost myself and I kind of freak out how soon into marriage that happened. Since my husband came out, I kind of fell in to the rut not actively listening. I had the urges to put music on but then this pain set in and I could not. Yesterday I pulled out my Best of Queen and cleaned the house while it was on. My husband had gotten it for me as a Christmas present several years back to replace my Queen collection. Early in our marriage while we were moving,someone broke into our car and stole all my CDs. This incident I assume also helped me to stay in the rut. I had nothing of my own to listen to from my own past. Listening to this CD evoked fun memories with friends. My best friend loves heavy metal but loves the softer side of Queen as well. She was the one who got me liking Queen. My own music taste goes across the board.
Before I got married, I used music to ease my fears before exams, ski meets,relaxing and to ease me to fall a sleep. It was very therapeutic.
I have enjoyed reading your posts and especially reading the posted lyrics for the songs here and they speak to me. I might need to make a visit to a store to find new artists to listen to.
Thank You!
Honkapuu
Hi HP!
thank you very much for your comments and thoughts. They resonate with me.
First off, I love Queen also! I like many female artists (i guess freddie mercury would qualify:) he is wonderful~ a genius at getting emotion and lyrics with melody that creates an almost roller-coaster ride emotionally and physically.
I always loved the song "best friend" by queen. I also love peter gabriel "in your eyes."
I understand the need to "make my husband happy"= losing oneself to his tastes, likes and hobbies. All in a effort to alleviate his angst and depression (before i knew he was sga) and after i knew as well.
But during that time i would listen to the radio (i didn't make purchases except for food and gas during that time). I would listen to certain songs and lyrics that would make me feel like i could express my feelings privately to myself of what was going on even if i couldn't to people at church or fam etc.
one artist that really helped me was jewel and alanis morrisette. i love a.m. songs of bitterness and hurt:) they helped me work through alot of stuff! i need to post some.
i'm glad you will get some fav cd's! it's important to nourish yourself emotionally etc and take good care of yourself. as moms and wives we tend to take care of everyone but ourselves. i know dads/husbands do similar, but there is an inherent trait in moms/wives usually that makes them think of themselves maybe as their falling to sleep at the end of the day, but not usually throughout the day!
spence's mom though was good at taking good care of herself (moneywise, powerwise etc) and i think it scared him about marriage etc. she was very abusive to him physically and emotionally growing up. my therapist once said: " the form of abuse he endured was the cruelest form imaginable: that a bar of perfection was raised to the extent that no adult, let alone a small boy could attain, therefore rendering the child perpetually helpless to make the mom happy."
soooo, that's what makes me still today feel sad and compassionate for him. at times i'm angry with him etc, but most times i forgive him and realize that the environment he grew up in (mostly with mom, his dad was a gem!) coupled with sexual abuse, made him very distrusting of women in general. (note the sexual abuse was during boyscouting by a male). i realize this seems like a stereotype, but it is indeed what spence endured. i know the Lord is merciful and takes into account our trials and experiences as young children as to our behavior and fears as adults.
thank you again for your comments, i always look forward to hearing from you!
love, kittywaymo
I think adults have a greater influnece on children than we or even the science even can explain. Especially someone who is the provider of security, love and a learning environment. It is heart breaking when a child has to endure something like your ex did. It totally changes the personality of a future adult. Maybe there are tendences prior but something like that will defenately push someone in the opposite direction.
I was on the net last night and was looking for articles on SGA in Finnish. I want to educate or find out what my mom thinks about the topic and discuss it with her. My mom has always been very progressive about sexuality. Always willing to talk about it and educate about it ( at least in the hetero world). I'm curious to see what she thinks about SGA. I found a ong article that talked about abuse in/during childhood by a trusted parent/guardian/relative and how that can effect a developing childs mind in many ways not just cause SGA. It mentioned briefly that men and women do have tendencie SGA attraction. I rememmber you mentioning that too. Sometimes a person's experiences in chidhood will/may/might lock it.
Just two days before Christmas I was running for errands. Last minute dinner and gift purchases for my husband and my daughter. My daughter got hungry and was needing to get some steam off. I gave in and took her to a MCDonalds. This one had a big play area. My daughter loves to go there every now and then. We had been there for a little while and I told M to get ready to go. I told her five minutes and we'll need to go. I was keeping my eye on her ( it was very crowded) to see where she was coming down. I saw her go up but not coming down. Suddenly I became very concerned and began searching the areas possible where she could be. I just did not have a good feeling about her at that moment. One would need an x-ray vision to see, since they have these plastic tunnels where they can climb. Then I heard her cry and and seconds later she was on my arms and crying uncontrollably. I asked if she had hit her head/toe? She said no ( in Finnish) and said a boy ( she described the boy to me) had hurt her in her private area. I was shocked. I did not comprehend at first but she kept repeating it and then a 12-year-old girls came to me and told me the same. She said that it was a 5-year-old boy. When I caught my eye on the boy, I began looking for the parent to talk to about it. We got distracted and the parent slipped out with her child before we could talk about it. I made a police report and talked with my daughter's pediatrician who also examined my daughter ( no harm done but mental bump only that should go away in time according to the physician and the police officer). Both the physician and the police officer said that sometimes at this young age some children can do things like this to other children because they are eather abused or live in an environment that they are exposed to sexual stimuli/example etc. Children at this young age do not think of these things unless they are exposed to it. It is after 8 years when they do begin to get ideas. My point sharing this was I guess that it is the caregivers/environment at this young age that influences their thinking. It was a shocking experience to me as a mother and also to my daughter who had not been influenced by those things. I have taught her not to talk to strangers, not opening doors to them and also scream if a stranger would try to take her away but I never thought of warning her about a child of her own age.
I have come to realize that I have just found the tip of the iceberg when it comes to SGA. There is so much to learn and understand. Especially understanding my husband. I'm not a shamed of him. I just now realizing how much may be he is not ok with himself yet. He has accepted himself but I feel he is not 100% there yet. It is okay with me and it'll be a journey for him and our family.
I would not use my budget to get anything on music or clothing arena. It is so well calculated where it is going and one purchase of something else would totally effect it negatively. I know I will get few gift cards this coming month of February and I have thought maybe use one of those to get music. I know when the time comes to that, I might not. Since I'm not employed and I'm a stay at home mom, I will save them to get gifts for others such as my husband when his B-day rolls out. He is a twin. He has a brother that is a few minutes older that he is. They are totally polar opposite of each other. James is almost compulsively neat ( when it is not his books or things...if it is his study...enter in with your own risk) and his brother is not. His brother wife is from one of the Nordic countries ( place I served my mission in). They tend to rub off wrong of each other. My husband has wondered on occation if his bro. has SGA but has come to a conclusion that he does not. I do agree with him on this.
Well, I have gotten on more than one tangion on your blog. Just the article I read kind of brough a lot of things to the surface. I apologise to share a bit too much perhaps.
HP
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